her vagina looked like bernie madoff
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
