I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I made him laugh his dick is mine
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
