Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
