So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Fuck appropriateness.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
