So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
