At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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