The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
