i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
