remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
