Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
