Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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