there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
