her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
