I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I think i peed on brittanys purse
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
