Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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