so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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