Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
