those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
