Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
He kissed a someone with a penis
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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