He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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