I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
