I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
