I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
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Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
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Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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