Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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