strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
we should paint friendship bongs
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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