im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
