The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
