I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
