you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
