I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
