Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
