Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Randomize
