Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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