I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
