we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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