btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
