ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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