OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
