Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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