so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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