Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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