yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
