my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
last night I used snow as a chaser
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