i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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