It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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