FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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