Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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