So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
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