just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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