Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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