you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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