This show inspires me to have sex in space
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
