It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
