I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
