girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She even gives head with a lisp.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
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I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
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This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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