It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
