What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
