I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
