I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
